Exhaustion.

Don't bother writing when you're exhausted. Not tired. Not sleepy. But exhausted. Everything you write ends up being crap. Even if you think you're "getting it done." You're not getting it done. You're just adding crap that is going to be cut or completely changed because it's crap. Crap is crap. Nothing you do can change that. Unless you completely get rid of it, then yes. You can change that.

Thus why I leave you short because I am exhausted. School, working out has been sucking me dry. I started walking to the local track. For a half hour I jog/walk a bit, then walk back to my house. Let me tell you. It takes me ten minutes longer to walk back. And I haven't even mentioned the sit ups I force myself to do once I get back.

My legs and stomach hate me in the morning.

Doing this five days a week is hell along with late nights with homework and early mornings with school. By Thursdays (my last day of classes of the week) I'm like a used and abused paper towel. Throw me away, let me be. I've had enough. No more. Let me pass peacefully, please and thank you. But of course this following Monday/Tuesday I have TWO papers due along with a take home test. Not to mention the regular assignments (which involves books and epic poems and W.B. Yeats and T.S. Eliot) in those classes.

A good restless night of sleep feels so far away.

And my writing is still at a standstill. It's annoying. I hate myself. I want to delete the last three paragraphs and start anew, hoping I could dive right in. But I don't. I push forward. Word for word if I must.

I honestly blame exhaustion.

But I also believe that you should force yourself to write when you're at that point of fatigue. Crap is crap. The only way to change crap is by literally getting rid of it. So what is the point of wasting energy on something that will be tossed out? Prime example to not right write when exhausted.

It's a bit hypocritical saying not to write when all you want to do is crash--I do it all the time when it comes to school. And the end results are always the same: B or B- or C+. For my own fiction, I don't even try. Don't put yourself in that position, not unless your mind is ready to suffer a bit. Currently, I've been staring at my draft, but haven't written a thing. My brain is mush, but at least my spirit wants to write. All I need to do is get my body up to speed. Back to it's same old self.

After this weekend, I can't wait to sleep. The best sleep is after not sleeping.

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